Monday, July 31, 2006

I'll Find My Frog

Two Can Anne was worried about the frog in the Bravia ad I had posted last week.

He is missing.

Him name is Hopkin Green Frog.


No, that is not a puertorican dinosaur, it is a new giant dinosaur discovered in Argentina.

Giant Dinosaur Found in Argentina

Every year it seems they find a larger dinosaur. I predict that one day they will find Montanasaurus. It was as big as Montana and its footprints created the Great Lakes. Montanasaurus was also responsible for the extinction of all dinosaurs, whereas he just walked around stepping on them.

It's gotta be true. Have you ever seen a dinosaur fossil?

Stepped on.

Land Of The Lost

Ancient Human Footprints Uncovered in Australia

20,000 years ago some folks went for a walk, and there is proof.

Awesome evidence of the trail some of our ancestors took, which in time became the Australian Aborigines.

But not all of our ancestors went that way, or we'd all have more fond memories of Paul Hogan than just two Crocodile Dundee movies.

There were many paths, and now, amazingly, you can find out which path your ancestors took:

The National Geographic Genographic Project

Check it out. The kit cost $100 but it is worth it. The knowledge of where you came from and what other races you are related to is priceless.

A Sad Day For Conger Cuddling

You know, eel tossing.

Agnes, cancel my flight to England. I'll be throwing no mooring this day.

Fish lover's anger ends eel event

Incredible Hulk

Arizona man lifts car off trapped cyclist

No picture of the hero, but I'm guessing he looks like the Hulk, only less green.

Hello Cleveland!

Scientists Say Erie Mirage Could Be Real

I once chartered a fishing boat and the captain was from Erie. I said "Dreary Erie, the mistake on the lake?" He said "Dreary Erie, yes. But to say it is a mistake is just mean."

The rest of the trip was followed by uncomfortable silence and not much catching.

All My Exters Live In Texters

OMG -- UT tn XLS @ txtng

What? I actually don't mind texting, because it shuts people the hell up on their cell phones.

So this kid can text 160 letters in 42 seconds. Good for him.

But as more people learn to text and cell phones get smaller, this can only mean one thing for humans: smaller fingers. Evolution can be a bitch that way. In a few generations time, we'll be a nation of Edward Needlehands.

You were warned here first.

Two Holes In One Is Too Expensive

Golfer Bags Double Ace

So this guy gets a hole in one at a golf tournament. It happens.

The next day on the same hole with the same club he does it again. That does not happen.

Amazing right? Well I don't think it would be too amazing when he had to return to the clubhouse a second time to buy everyone drinks. Herein lies one of the dumbest sports traditions.

You get the hole in one, YOU have to buy everyone drinks. I'm sorry, but shouldn't everyone be congratulating ME? And nothing says, "Congratulations!", like a free beer.

It's back-asswards if you ask me, but at least he didn't do it in Japan.

There, you shoot a hole in one, you have buy everyone you were playing with a present!

There is even Hole In One Insurance.

I'll stick to my Golden Tee, thank you.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Get Yer Balls Out

I'm off for the weekend, but before I go I'd like to leave everyone with the coolest commercial ever. It's for a Bravia television. Streets of San Fransisco + A billion superballs = work of art.

It's called "Colour" and features a cool tune, "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez (who is Swedish, duh).

Hence the "U" in color, it's a British ad, and it's too bad it's not aired here in the U.S.

I've seen the Bravia U.S. ad. A pretty girl and a pretty guy meet each other at a stroefront window displaying the television. It stinks.

What, we can't take a little mellow reflection in our ads?

Probably not.


(you need Quicktime - if you don't have it - try the main page for other formats.)

Big Head Todd And The Mystery Rock

I love stories like this.

In 1872, so the story goes, workers digging a hole for a fence post near Lake Winnipesaukee in the central part of this New England state found a lump of clay that seemed out of place.

And there were many questions: Who made the stone and why? How old was it? How was it carved?

Personally, it reminds me of The Olmecs.

They were the first ancient civilization in the Americas. Incas? Mayans? Aztecs? They'd be nothing without the Olmecs, and not too many people know this.

Besides, as you can see from these Olmec skulls... they were giants!

But I'd say it is possible that some Olmecs wandered up north, possibly during the fall to see all the pretty colors.

This Must Be Why I Stink At Golf

I play too much Golden Tee?

Study: Violent videos desensitize people

This also helps me navigate through Times Square. I just pretend I'm Pac Man and start punching people in the face until I'm through. Thank you Sega.

SPOTLIGHT: Fred Willard

If you don't know Fred Willard, get to know him.

If you do know Fred Willard, and don't think he's funny, I know a party for you in Minneapolis, because you are obviously dead. I'm talking No Soul Simmons.

Fred Willard making it up as he goes along

From Best In Show, one of the funniest lines ever:

Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact.

Do They Have Short Prison Buses?

Inmate signs real name to bomb hoaxes

Why can they all be this smart?

It's Their Time Up There, But It's Our Time Down Here!

Sometime around 1610, archaeologists figure a thirsty colonist put his brass pistol on the side of a well as he pulled up some water and accidentally knocked the weapon in.

Unfortunatley, no Goonies were pulled from the well and are believed to have suffered the same fate as Chester Copperpot.

Sleepless In Seattle

Who could sleep with Mr. Death jumpin' all over the place? Can't blame the rain on these Milli.

Seattle stunned by 'bizarre' killings

Nine dead in nine days

Look! A jumper!

Concerned New Yorkers kept a potential jumper from leaping off the Brooklyn Bridge yesterday, buying time for cops to pull him to safety.

Times have changed. 20 years ago people would have said JUMP! 30 years ago they would have actually pushed him.

Ironically, he went home and hung himself with his tie.

When We Pretend That We're Dead

'Zombies' arrested in downtown Minneapolis

I've never been to Minneapolis. I'd forgotten why.
Are you sure they weren't pretending they were on Meth? Or that they were actually on Meth?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Mirror Mirror On The Wall..... Who the hell are you!?

Forgetting your own face

The 45-year-old mother of four suffers from prosopagnosia, sometimes known as face blindness. She cannot recognise the faces of her children, her husband or even herself, after a virus struck little more than two years ago, causing inflammation in her brain and permanently harming the temporal lobe.

This is a regular morning ritual for me. It's not that I forget my face, it's just that I forget how much whiskey I drank to make me look like that. It's called prowhiskeyapukanosia.

Pacific Island Hopping

Sounds like a perfect vacation. But humans actually did this thousands of years ago. Considering they did it on hollowed out trees and rafts, it's a wonder that people made it as fat as Easter Island.

First footsteps of Polynesians' ancestors tracked

For a better and more coherent description, I highly recommend this book:

Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed

A great book that reminds us that our civilization is merely a temporary one.

He just wanted to lend a hand

Man Cuts Off Hand At Butcher Shop

He knows the sound of one hand clapping.

Soon we will be fighting them in the streets

A researcher at ATR Intelligent Robotics and Communications Laboratories in Japan has created an android version of himself.

Figures. He made it better looking than himself.

Do you think it will ask this android out?

They'll go out for some anamatronic fish, a day at Jiffy Lube, then they'll start breeding at a phenominal rate, creating an army of androids than our children will fight in the streets.

You were warned here first.

Buzz Aldrin admits to seeing UFO and a NASA cover-up.

In the documentary "Apollo 11: The Untold Story," shown on Britain's Channel Five on Monday night, July 24, astronaut Buzz Aldrin says he, Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins all saw a UFO shadowing their spacecraft. Apollo 11, which took off on July 16, 1969, was the first manned mission to the moon. Aldrin says, "There was something out there, close enough to be observed, and what could it be?"

In the documentary, he says, "Now, obviously the three of us weren't going to blurt out, 'Hey, Houston, we've got something moving alongside of us and we don't know what it is,' you know? We weren't about to do that, because we knew that that those transmissions would be heard by all sorts of people and somebody might have demanded we turn back because of aliens or whatever the reason is." He says NASA knew about the UFO but covered up the information.

First moon mission was a touch-and-go event: new documentary


A great, credible statement.

The only other American Astronaut to admit seeing UFOs and a government cover-up was Gordon Cooper.

Buzz Aldrin is 76. Think he just may be an old man talking crazy?

Buzz Aldrin can kick your ass.